Frustration!!!

Okay - before I start getting in depth on this post, I thought that I should provide a cast to eliminate the confusion.

My Grandma............Jane Benson Evans
Her Mother..............Bessie Averett Benson Gourley
Her Father...............James DeLillian Benson
Her Paternal Grandfather..........Charles Benson
Her Paternal Grandmother..........Marion Francis Keith Young Benson

So, now on with the story. My Grandma Jane never really knew her real father. Her parents divorced when she was quite young. I think my Grandma spent a lot of her life wondering about her father. She talked quite a bit about the last time that she can remember seeing him. She was at school (I think elementary) and she looked out to the road and he was sitting in his car watching her and her sister Lois play. Grandma never was able to find anything out about her father. Lois spent some money hiring a private investigator, all to no avail. Then we caught a break. We found a James D. Benson who had died at a State Mental Hospital on a census. The dates were close, to what we can figure, to his birth and death date. This James D. Benson is buried in Kaysville or Midvale Cemetery, I think. Anyway, the story is that he died in his twenties by impelling himself with a knife or something sharp in the chest and caused his own death. Not exactly the happy ending to a story huh?
Well, so we have all, as a family accepted this to be our great grandfather. Well, Valerie, my cousin, was digging on a genealogy website once, and found a James DeLillian Benson. However, he was listed as being married to Mary Alice Mason. (who happens to be my Grandma Gourley's mom) So Valerie emails the lady who posted the information and says that it might just be coincidental, but she knew of a James DeLillian Benson who was married to a Bessie Averett from Springville whose mother was Mary Alice Mason. Needless to say, Valerie and this lady start talking and figure out that James D. Benson is one and the same. The lady tells Valerie that her grandfather was named F.M. Young. (Stands for Francis Marion Young.) His mother Marion Francis Keith married a man with the last name of Young. They had a son (F.M.) and then the man died. So Marion Francis Keith Young met and married Charles Benson. Together they had two children, James DeLillian Benson and Hilda Benson. Charles was a cobbler and spent a lot of time out on the road. There were times when he would be gone for years. Because F.M. was the oldest, he took on the paternal role. He worked to provide for his mother and his two step-siblings.
So, then Valerie tells the lady about James' brutal death. The lady tells Valerie that she doesn't believe that to be the same James D. Benson that we are related to. However, she did have a history about her grandfather and it tells of him burying his mother, Marion Francis Benson in the American Fork Cemetery. It also tells of him buying eight other burial plots. There is a letter in her possession from the American Fork Cemetery saying that F.M. owed the cemetery $250.00. She also has a letter in return from F.M. saying that he deeds back the six burial plots back to American Fork City because he couldn't pay the $250.00. He did ask however that they keep his two relations still buried in the two plots. The lady knows that one of the plots belongs to Charles Benson. However, she doesn't know who the other plot belongs to. American Fork City has record of Charles Benson being buried in their cemetery, but they don't have a record as to where he is buried.
Now, Valerie's theory is that maybe, just maybe, the other burial plot belongs to James DeLillian Benson! But, there is no way to know, unless I decide to exhume a grave! Anyway, why am I posting about this? Well, it just reconfirms to me the importance of journals. There is NOTHING on the Internet about any of these people. Nothing in the church's family search. Nothing! So, here we are stuck. I am sure that somewhere, someone knew my great grandfather. He lived in Springville for a time and in San Pete county for a time. He was a person who lived, but the details of his life are nowhere! I just find that incredibly sad. I would hate to think that after I am gone, that there would be someone who wanted to know about me, but nothing was available! I guess that is why I blog so much. I want my family to remember. I want to remember. I want to be able to look back at these entries when I am old and smile! So, if any of you wonder why I blog such seemingly insignificant events, that is why. I want to remember every moment that I spend with my kids. I want to remember how I felt, what we did, where we went, and every aspect that I can. Because, when I am dead and gone, I want a great grandchild to really know me.