Frustration

There are so many things running through my mind right now. It is really hard to know what is the right thing to do and what I should and shouldn't say. This past weekend wasn't exactly the stress free time away from home that I had wished for. It is hard for a mom to have worked everything out, only to have kinks thrown in every turn. Sometimes it really makes you reevaluate your leaving in the first place.
John ended up having to take time off of work on Friday afternoon. This made me feel really bad and feel like I shouldn't have left. It is really frustrating to have him have to take time off to do something that others could have and should have done! I don't think that it makes a very good impression on his employer to have him leave to take care of tasks that a mom should have taken care of. It just validated the fact that while my kids are small, I should only leave them when I absolutely have too.
This does make me sad, however, because I enjoy the times that I am able to travel with my family. My mom and my sisters have a "get away" twice each year. In March we travel to St. George, and in August we go to Midway. This would be wonderful if on both occasions it would be possible for John to stay home and take care of the kids. Next to a mom, a dad loves and cares and does what is necessary for the kids to be where they need to be, when they need to be. John is an awesome dad and he always pulls through when he is needed to stay home. However, it isn't always possible for him to stay at home. Demands at work, traveling and other things get in the way of him taking time off work. So when this happens, I should just realize that I need to stay home. This lesson has been repeated numerous times, but for some reason I forget. When we have left kids home with others, they have missed important dance practices, important baseball practices and left with no rides home from school, and mostly because others don't seem to care the same way that parents do.
I guess that there is reasons that the church stresses family. There isn't anyone else who can take the place of mom OR dad! I guess it is just hard because my life is very busy with six children. But with a little organization, I can get kids from school, get them where they need to be with little effort. Because it is second nature for me to do this, I don't think that it is a big deal for others to do the same. I don't feel like when I leave, I demand unreasonable things. I feel that those who watch my kids have fair warning and instruction as to the scheduling of my children. And I have never felt this to be impossible. I guess I do it all the time, so why can't those who are watching my kids do the same?
Maybe I shouldn't get to have a break with six kids. Maybe I really should wait until our kids are grown and out the door to have any "me" time. Maybe I need to learn this lesson now, when there is just minimal damage done, instead of waiting until something serious happens when I am not home. Sometimes I guess I expect too much! I guess I need to realize that it is MY duty to raise and rear my children every second of every day and not rely on others. Maybe it doesn't really "take a village". That way you can't get let down, right?